


You Love Who You Love

by macaroni_meangirls



Category: Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, amber is underrated, bonnie and clyde au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-23 13:42:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18152588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/macaroni_meangirls/pseuds/macaroni_meangirls
Summary: Janis is jealous and it's stupid. But she's still jealous.





	You Love Who You Love

"Jay! Jay!"

"Love, you all right?" Janis asks worriedly, catching her girlfriend as she lunges into her arms.

"Better than okay! I got the lead!"

"You got it?" Janis hugs her tighter. "You're Bonnie?"

"Bonnie and Clyde!" Cady giggles, kissing her quickly. "Oh, babe, by the way, you're captain of the stage crew! For your art, they want your help with the sets, and then you're scary enough to make people listen to you, so they put you in charge of the whole thing!"

"The whole...really?" Janis grins dazedly, stunned by her success. She figured she'd be pushed to the side to paint a couple of things, not made set captain.

"The perfect duo," Cady giggles, stealing another kiss. "I'm proud, babe."

"I'm prouder," Janis replies, tapping her nose. "Wait, if you're Bonnie, who's Clyde?"

Cady giggles again. "I got lucky. Aaron. I know, babe," she adds quickly as a look of displeasure crosses Janis's face. "But I mean, Shane tried out for it. Aaron's a real gentleman, he's still a good friend of mine, he won't do anything real to me on stage."

"I know," Janis sighs, kissing her cheek. "I just...I don't like sharing you, even for fake."

"You've got nothing to worry about," Cady promises sweetly. "Could be worse," she adds, giggling again. "Damian has to play Buck, he has to make out with Gretchen as Blanche."

Janis genuinely snorts at that, trying to push away the anxiety that arises with the idea of her beloved girlfriend making out with a kind, attractive, intelligent boy she had a crush on not all that long ago. It's not that she doesn't trust Cady; she just can't shake the feeling that she doesn't deserve her, that Aaron would be a much better partner. 

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Janis is sketching an outline for a backdrop to represent a bank Cady will be "robbing" when she hears it.

"Okay, so we need to talk about stage-kissing," the director says calmly.

Janis quietly slips the pencil into the hand of her second, Amber d'Alessio, and steps to the curtains, sticking her head out to see Cady and Aaron.

"So first things first, this is a no-tongue zone," the director says firmly. "Second, you're going to need to be pretty passionate here, neither of these characters is particularly timid. Go ahead, give it a shot."

Cady seizes Aaron by the shirt and pulls him in for a passionate, mind-blowing kiss, or at least that's how it looks to Janis. She can see that there is indeed no tongue, but Cady's throwing as much emotion into it as she would with a kiss with Janis.

Her girlfriend is an incredible actress. It's not that bad when she's goofing off with Damian or acting out mini-scenes from movies, but watching Cady kiss Aaron...she can't tell if it's real or not.

Obviously it's not, she tells herself semi-firmly. Caddie wouldn't do that.

But her anxiety won't let her be sure.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why does Caddie have to be so goddamn talented?

Janis sighs as she stencils in the sign for the bank she's been working on. Cady's doing a brilliant job as Bonnie, and that should make Janis proud and happy, but all she can feel is anxious, and, as shitty and gross as it makes her feel...jealous.

Jealousy has always struck her as gross and unattractive and toxic. That hasn't changed now. All she wants is to be happy for Cady, but she can't, not as long as she's pretending to be in love with Aaron.

"Hey, babe," Cady says suddenly, waving at her as she walks up holding a water bottle. She must be on break. "Looks amazing. As usual."

"Thanks, love," Janis replies, forcing a smile. "How's your voice holding up?"

"I'm dying," Cady sighs in mock- exaggeration, leaning casually against Janis as she walks over. "I might need to borrow your humidifier tonight, babe. This is definitely rougher than I thought it'd be."

"Hmm..." Janis says teasingly, pretending to think about it. "But what do I get out of it?"

"Babe, I've got to go back in five minutes, don't beat around the bush. What do you want?"

"Stay over, and I'll run the humidifier all night," Janis responds, reaching down and gently squeezing Cady's thigh, smiling as she feels her tense, knowing she's blushing furiously. 

"Janis..." Cady says in an attempt to be threatening. "This is blackmail."

"Not blackmail, love," Janis says sweetly. "Just a little bribery."

"Fine," Cady sighs, twisting around to peck her on the lips. "But you're driving me. Love you, babe. I've gotta go make out with my fake boyfriend."

"Love you too. Have fun with your tragic premature death," Janis calls fake-lightly, waving at her as she hurries back onto the stage.

She doesn't feel better.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Jay?"

"Yes, love?" Janis asks, leaning into the girls' dressing room, panting slightly. 

"Can you help me? I can't get my damn eyeliner right," Cady sighs, looking defeatedly at her stage makeup kit.

"Of course," Janis replies, rushing over and cupping her girlfriend's cheek in her hand, tilting her head up to do the liner. "Hold still, I'll have to be fast, I've got a lot going on and I really don't want to poke your beautiful eye just before your first show."

"Be a shame to go on half-crying and all red," Cady agrees, trying not to blink as Janis does her eyeliner. "How are you holding up, babe?"

"No one's listening to me, we can't find a papier-mâché gun, it's thirty minutes till places and I'm still missing two crew members, a light's burnt out, and I'm almost out of mic tape. So, I'm about average for running this crew," Janis replies, finishing off Cady's eyeliner and kissing her quickly before stepping away. "Anyone else in here need anything?"

Silence.

Janis shrugs, waves at Cady and heads out. The door is about to shut when-

"Hey, Janis, have you seen my period socks?"

Janis nearly slams her head into a wall.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Janis sighs, collapsing onto a stool. She somehow managed to get everything done, but she's bone tired and all she wants to do is collapse into Cady's arms and sleep for a million years.

But she can't, because the show is starting and Cady is onstage singing "Picture Show" in character as a twenty-year-old waitress with acting dreams and in less than ten songs she'll be making out with a hot boy she was in love with not really all that long ago and she's a damn good actress so it looks real and what if Cady realizes how much better Aaron is than Janis and leaves her for him? She's bisexual, she likes boys too, it could - it could happen...

"Um...Janis?" Amber asks, tapping her on the shoulder, jolting her out of her reverie. "Gretchen's dress tore, you're a way better seamstress than me, I know you're worn out but I can't even touch your whip stitch, can you - oh, God, Janis, are you - are you crying?"

"N-no," Janis sniffles, wiping at the tears on her cheeks. "I'm f-fine...Gretchen's dress..."

"Hey, easy," Amber replies, pushing her back down."You take a break. I know this has been really stressful for you, between the Cady thing and running this whole show. I'll handle the dress, Caitlin's no you, but she can stitch, I'll make her do it. You rest, sit in the girls' dressing room or something...take a soda out of the fridge if you want, I'll tell the director I gave it to Stephanie for her diabetes. I can be you for an hour. I'll send Cady to check on you at intermission, okay?"

Janis smiles weakly into Amber's concerned brown eyes. "Th-thanks, Amber. Are you s-sure-"

"Positive," Amber replies warmly. "You deserve it, Janis. We wouldn't have this show without you. Now, go."

Janis stumbles tiredly into the girls' dressing room, collapsing onto a pile of blankets she brought in to protect the costumes from food or other stains. She curls up like a baby animal, closing her eyes and almost immediately falling asleep, exhausted from so much stress and anxiety.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Jay? You all right?"

Janis slowly blinks her eyes open to see Cady, still in costume, smiling down at her. "Caddie?" she mumbles weakly, blinking dazedly up at her girlfriend. 

Cady nods. "Amber said you looked like you were having some kind of breakdown. I came in to check on you, make sure you were okay. What's the matter, babe?"

Janis looks away, feeling her lower lip begin to tremble as more tears rush to her eyes. "It's s-stupid..."

"Hey, don't do that," Cady says soothingly, patting her back gently. "If it's giving you a mental breakdown, it's not stupid. What is it?"

"I don't like seeing you kiss Aaron!" 

The words explode out of Janis's mouth before she can stop them, finally escaping like they've been dying to since the cast list went up. She wishes more than anything she could pull them back, knowing they'll hurt Cady, but they're out, and they're said, and there's nothing she can do.

Cady nods thoughtfully. "...okay. That's what's upsetting you?"

"No," Janis sighs, shaking her head. "It's - Caddie, it wasn't that long ago that you were madly in love with him, and now you regularly make out with him, and it - it makes me anxious, and I'm sorry, Caddie, because I really hate this about myself, but I'm jealous, and then I'm under a lot of stress with the stage crew, and it's just - it's too much. It's way too much."

Cady nods again, sinking next to Janis and gently stroking her hair. "I'd put your head in my lap right now, but I can't," she teases, twisting a strand around her finger. "Jay, darling, I love you, and only you. I am over Aaron, trust me. Who could look twice at Aaron, as good of a friend as he is, when they have you? You don't have to be jealous. You have my whole heart, I promise. And with the stage crew? Don't worry about it. Amber's doing amazing, she can handle it for tonight and you can come back tomorrow. That sound okay?"

Janis nods a little, sitting back up and taking Cady's soft hands in her own. "I'm sorry, love. It's...stupid, thinking you'd leave me for Aaron. It's not that I don't trust you, it's that...I don't trust myself to be good enough for you."

Cady cups a hand under her chin, forcing Janis to meet her eyes. "I can't stress this as much as I'd like, because I have to be back on stage in five minutes. But you are good enough for me. We deserve each other, baby. I love you, and I will always love you, and I never want to be without you. Okay?"

"Okay," Janis repeats, managing a weak smile. "I love you, Caddie."

"I love you too, babe. I've got to go get shot to death by cops, but when I get back, I'll get changed and we'll go for ice cream, yeah?"

Janis nods, smiling a little more widely this time. "Go, love. You're gonna be great. You and Aaron both."

Cady strokes her cheek quickly and then hurries away, rushing back to the stage to slip back into character. Janis sighs, lowering herself back onto her blankets.

She still doesn't like Aaron Samuels kissing her girlfriend's lips. But she feels a little better about it now, a little more secure. Cady loves her. Cady will always love her. Cady loves her more than she ever loved Aaron. Cady would rather have her than Aaron. Cady's heart is hers. 

She's not losing her.

Cady's not going to leave her for Aaron.

She knows full well that Aaron's lips are firmly planted on Cady's right now, in this very moment, and she has never before, not since rehearsals began, been so okay with that.

The Caddie effect, she thinks to herself as she curls back up to sleep.

A powerful effect indeed.


End file.
